It’s time to come clean, people. This post is not for the moms posting the perfect, smiling family photos and “checking in” at the local farmer’s market while breastfeeding their two-year-old and gently removing all the gluten out of their favorite homemade recipes. Don’t get me wrong – go vegan and breastfeed until your kid is 10 if that’s what you’re into. I’m just anti “this is my perfect life and how I need to represent it to the public.” So, let’s have a moment and make some real declarations; authentic admissions to counterbalance the perfection we post to the world. Here goes nothing:

• I told my oldest child that a certain coconut Girl Scout cookie is spicy because I didn’t want to share it.
• I judged people who significantly decreased the amount of attention their pets received after they had kids. And then I had three kids in four years and my dog hasn’t slept in my bed since.
• When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I spent my entire paycheck at Whole Foods and religiously ate only meat that was grass-fed and went to Montessori school. Last week I gave that same child popcorn I bought at TJ Maxx.
• I almost extended one maternity leave not because I wanted to stay home with my baby, but because I couldn’t fit into my pre-maternity pants.
• I just lied. That happened for all my maternity leaves.
• Once I yelled so loudly at my kids I thought my neighbors might have heard me.
• I’ve purchased tickets for Disney on Ice three times, and haven’t been once. The first time I forgot I bought the tickets and didn’t realize until I received an email the day after the event, asking how it was. The second time I purchased them for the wrong location and didn’t realize until it was too late (it was for 60 minutes away instead of 5). The third time there was a blizzard that caused a cancellation, but by then you might as well have blamed me because who tries to go anywhere the first weekend of February in the Northeast? (Moral of that story: My third child’s college education fund is now a profit for Ticketmaster.)
• I videotaped my daughter when she was totally drugged out before dental work. Why? Because it was funny.

Now that I’ve admitted all of this, I suppose I’ll need to say ten Hail Marys to liberate myself from these bad deeds. But since I’m not religious, or really that into football, I’ll just have a glass of wine instead. And since I think there’s a story about Jesus and wine, I’ll just assume that after I finish my glass of pinot, I’ll be absolved all of these sins. Bottoms up!

But now I’m curious – what are you ready to admit? Comment below!