We all know parenthood as the place where things like privacy in the bathroom, spontaneous anything and date nights are as elusive as an afternoon nap. (Some of the few things that thrive are wine consumption and resentment over who handles more household and parenting responsibilities, but I digress.) The point is, you may be well aware of the things you need to give up. But there are other expectations that fall way short of the cute Pampers commercials that make you cry sweet tears of sentimentality and adorableness. In the spirit of KonMari, the art of riding yourself of items that don’t bring you joy by wishing them a fond farewell, I’d like to create a new concept, Fake Obituary Monday. #FOM is your opportunity to say goodbye to what’s been lost since your bundle of joy arrived. Think of it, embrace it, then in the spirit of Frozen, let it go. Here’s mine:

RIP, Cute Baby Outfits

You’ve seen the commercials of children wearing three-piece suits or floppy hats, frolicking happily in their non-cotton outfits and accessories. My kids would need to be heavily sedated before keeping a headband on for more than 10 minutes (except for my son, but that’s neither here nor there).

Here lie 2 pairs of adorable suspenders for my baby boy, 12 pairs of jeans that my 3-year-old refuses to wear and all pants from the summer of 2015 for my 5-year-old. We may never know why my little girl acts like she would rather jump into a grave then wear her pair of super-cute ombré jeans (and that she wore for a month before starting this denim boycott). Perhaps she knows they are hand-me-downs and is making her middle child status known. Perhaps this is her new way to drive her mother crazy now that she is (finally) potty trained. Either way, we are sad to say goodbye to these delightful denim pieces. Donations can be made to the Leggings Forever Fund. (The plot next to the jeans is reserved for the pair of sneakers her sister suddenly deemed “itchy” even though she has been wearing them for 5 months – with socks.)

There, now I feel better. What are you ready to say goodbye to?