My life is a kaleidoscope of demands – sometimes it is a beautiful mix of priorities that fall right into place, and other times it is a jumbled mess that makes me dizzy. There’s an article by Laura Vanderkam about time management, written by a working mom with four kids. Despite having help (those infamous villages are so necessary for a balanced life), she described her decision to have a fourth kid as “courting chaos,” and to gain perspective on her life began tracking all of her waking (and sleeping) hours. The results were…surprising. But let’s get back to that in a minute.
Do you feel like you work every night and every weekend and have guilt over the lack of balance? Does that time you overheard your child playing with her dolls, making one pretend say, “Sorry honey, mommy’s going to work” stand out in your head above all other memories? How about when your kid was the last one picked up at daycare? Do you feel like you are never giving enough of yourself to work, your friendships or your family? Now, what if I told you you’re not as busy as you think you are?
Here’s where we get back to Vanderkam’s results. She found that while she was busy traveling, pumping breast milk in train stations and staying up late with babies, she also had scheduled time for work outs and massages. In fact, she overestimated the “bad” and underestimated the “good” – sound familiar? But it’s really about perception versus reality. I.e., my perception of myself is that I am a deep, thoughtful and well-read individual who is busy, over-worked and doesn’t have time to devote to core workouts and mediation. But to take a snapshot of my life, the reality is I just reread 50 Shades of Grey, have the recipe for Dorito salad open in my web browser and actually had the split-second thought while cracking an egg earlier of “what if there’s a partial chicken baby in there?” Deep thoughts this is not. And while I have a demanding life, touting my working-mom role as a red badge of honor is not an excuse for a life not-well-lived.
So, where do you get the elusive balance between work and life? The answer: You already have it. It’s there. When you think about those late nights responding to work emails, remember those early morning coffee breaks with your co-workers. When you get home late at night with your children, have a goal of making them laugh – a true belly laugh – at least once before going to bed. This will shift your whole focus and re-calibrate what felt off. Let’s be real – there’s always going to be those days where something falls short. But, when you’re feeling down, moral of the story is this: Know that someone, somewhere decided that Doritos would be good in a salad, and that is a person who is truly living a life well-lived.
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